The Gift of Changing Your Mind
I never liked BBQ chicken.
I don’t exactly remember trying it and not liking it, per se, I just knew – I didn’t like it. For years and years it would have been the last thing I picked on the menu (unless bananas were an option and in that case I would have gone with…neither).
Then one day, probably at a family gathering where I was starving and the only option was BBQ chicken, I tried some and something crazy happened. I didn’t hate it.
All those years of just continuously snubbing the BBQ and then suddenly I realized it’s actually delicious. Maybe we all have a food that we’ve had a similar experience with. Are you wondering yet why this matters? Why am I even talking to you about chicken right now?
Well of course the implications of eating or not eating a certain food aren’t that life-shattering, but most of us follow this routine mindlessly in our broader lives where the stakes actually do matter.
We land on a position or mindset or decision, sometimes haphazardly and sometimes not, but the wild thing is how reluctant we can be to re-evaluate when necessary.
I wonder if we’re too quick to make up our minds? And are we too slow or too stubborn (or maybe even too scared) to revisit a stance we’ve claimed?
What if you just asked what if?
Our third baby was born in 2019. Our other kids were five and two years old at the time and life was beautifully full. When people would ask us if we wanted more children we’d reflexively say “we’re done.” We routinely referred to Elowyn as our “last baby.” That’s not to say we never entertained having a fourth; it would come up casually every once in a while as we’d take turns feeling the tug of another baby but never at the same time.
Over the past several years, there were some health issues both Brandon and I were dealing with, plus a temporary move, and a house build that all contributed to us feeling like we already had plenty on our plate. When we moved, I consigned all my old maternity stuff and got rid of 90% of our baby items. I only held on to sentimental things or things I knew would be helpful to have on hand when friends with babies come over to visit. No fourth baby was on our radar.
Fast forward to the end of 2023, with 2024 in view: Brandon turned 40 in September. My 37th birthday is early January, and our little kids aren’t so little anymore…soon to be 10(!), 7, and 5 years old. The mid-life assessment (going with that instead of “crisis”) is a real thing and I don’t doubt it was a catalyst in us revisiting this baby question. We started asking, “okay, wait…are we really done?”
We discussed and prayed and pondered and questioned, all while keeping our thoughts just between us and the Lord so we could have as much clarity as possible.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t long before we both felt settled and a sweet sense of peace on being open to growing our family. We knew we would regret it if we didn’t try and even more than that, we were excited about the possibilities.
And now?
Gratefully, so gratefully, as I write this I am 16 weeks pregnant with our fourth baby. The one we didn’t think we’d have. The one that we’re so, so excited to have.
To be honest, this gift of another baby feels sweetly redemptive for us. This baby represents the healing Brandon and I have experienced individually with our health, because without that, we wouldn’t have entertained having another. I also dealt with some emotional turmoil after Elowyn’s birth and in the years following, I really couldn’t imagine ever going through something like that again. But the beautiful thing about enduring hard things is that by the time you come out on the other side of it, you are equipped differently…better. I can say that I actually look forward to delivering this baby, and that alone feels like a small miracle.
This excitement and expectation - it’s the direct working of God in our hearts over something that even a year ago would have stressed us out. It’s a testimony of changed hearts, and that’s not our own doing.
Today, I just want to remind you that it can be an absolute gift to change your mind. There’s a lot of freedom to be found there.
You have permission to reconsider. To revisit. To sift and ponder and weigh. To pray through things you were previously resolved on – to let the Lord change your heart as He sees fit.
Part of reconsidering our mindsets requires some work on our part, even if it’s just in the acknowledgement or the surrender. Maybe that’s why we’re averse to this practice. It asks you to look further – digging beneath the surface of your current stance to determine WHY?
Sometimes it’s a mental shift: we need to gain more knowledge. We have to ask ourselves: Am I just following the status quo on a particular subject or have I evaluated it deeply? Have I taken on the responsibility of educating myself so I can make an informed decision? Other times, it’s a heart shift: we have to turn down the noise around us, get back to our intuition, and ask for godly wisdom. Here we ask: Have I sought the Lord? What is my God-given intuition telling me?
The past several years have held a handful of pivotal changes for our family as we’ve excavated our way through certain aspects of how we live. We re-evaluated when it came to how we educate our kids: when the traditional model was no longer serving our family, we discovered that homeschool was a better fit. We’ve done this in our approach to health and wellness: we started getting to the root of our problems and addressing those, instead of expecting Band-aid fixes to bring true healing. And we’re currently in the process of reassessing our approach to all things pregnancy, labor, and delivery.
Questioning leads to a deeper look.
Critical thinking leads to a thoughtful answer.
And for the Believer, a softened heart leads to further sanctification. What work is the Father wanting to accomplish in you? Where are you being stretched and sharpened? How can you welcome that?
Making a change can be scary and overwhelming. It’s not always straightforward or painless. I fully get it. But have you considered what blessings might be waiting for you on the other side? What beauty you might be missing if you resist a changed heart and mind?
Let me encourage you (and remind myself) to not be too slow, stubborn, or scared to re-assess when needed. I mean…just think of all the BBQ chicken and baby goodness I'd be missing out on. ;)
HOMESTEAD UPDATES
Meet our new horse, Gabriel, and our donkey, Simon! They have become fast friends.
Some recent homestead scenes:
WHAT WE’RE READING
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth - this one blew my mind. I’m having to not be hard on myself for not reading it sooner. It’s filled with incredible birth stories and a wealth of information about physiologic pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Can’t recommend it enough for expecting moms.
The Tiny but Mighty Farm - this one has gotten me so excited to plan this year’s garden! It’s chock-full of practical information and inspiration for everyone from the farmer who’s profiting off their land to the hobby gardener like me, just trying to be a little more self sufficient.
Little Women - Aven and I are reading through this together and really enjoying it. Somehow I have never actually read the novel before! The wording and vocabulary can be challenging in parts, but I love exposing us to language or syntax we normally wouldn’t hear.
The Green Ember - the kids and I just finished up the first novel in this much-loved series. Overall it’s a good read. I will say I found it overly wordy/descriptive and the middle part of the story was less engaging, but the ending was great and I do think we’ll keep reading through the series.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Book #5) - OKAY – this has been my favorite HP book so far! It’s compelling and the characters are so well developed that I truly have a hard time putting it down.
Okay, friends. This has been quite the wordy newsletter so I’m just going to leave you with a few links to some things I’m loving lately:
Two of my favorites merge in this podcast episode (Blake Guichet + Ginny Yurich of 1000 Hours Outside)
Air dry modeling clay is keeping my kids occupied for hours. They make little characters, food, all kinds of things, and Aven even made a stop-motion film with her clay Bluey characters.
This podcast is an interview with an OB/Gyn who eventually took on the midwifery model. This one had me doing a lot of rethinking when it comes to obstetric care. (If you prefer, you can watch on Youtube).
This rechargeable reading light that sits on your neck is great! We got each of the kids one for Christmas and they use them quite a bit. And now I want one for myself :)
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Hope your week is off to a good start! I’m getting ready to celebrate my beautiful girl who turns TEN tomorrow!!! How. can. it. be. I truly wish every single person could have an Aven in their life. She is simply the best. <3